I am writing this because I feel that it’s time for me to open up to everyone. Share my story on the time that I was in an abusive relationship. A lot of people don’t know this about it because I have kept it quiet for a while. Now it’s time for me to open and share my story. So here goes.
It started back in 2011, I met my ex through Facebook (never again), but we did have mutual friends, so I at that time I was ok with it. We talked a lot, and we met up one day. Things were good until maybe about a month or two months into the relationship, that’s when things started going downhill.
Certain events happened that I could have left that relationship early on, but I didn’t. I felt if I had left, I would be considered as a horrible person for not being on my man’s side. Now that I am telling you this, I regret having that mentality back then.
He was always checking my social media, questioning every single person I was adding. He even accused me of cheating but showed no proof of it. Plus, I never delete much on my social media unless its old messages from like a year ago. At times I delete messages because that person that I was no longer friends with on social media.
So he accused me of cheating, although he was on my social media pretty much every single day. I had to delete friends from my phone, social media, anyone who was a guy pretty much.
He started to threaten me with things like coming to the house and beating me, killing my friends and family, and making me watch until it was my turn.
It was scary, and that’s when I hit depression, and a lot of nightly anxiety attacked and fear. Fast forward to maybe a year into the relationship or two, and he told me he was going the army (lied). So I test him, and I posted a photo on Facebook me wearing a crop top and jeans. Minutes later, his “brother” is texting me, telling me to take it down; that what I was thinking. That how could I post a photo like that on social media. Mind you, it was wearing a crop top and jeans, nothing sexy, nor was I exposing anything.
My ex called me yelling at me (no shocker), questioning the photo asking if I was looking for the attention on Facebook. Days past and he called telling me how good it was to me in the army. He told me that they were teaching him how to kill people with guns, knives, and so on.
A few weeks past and I decided to call his mom since I did like talking to her, and she had no clue what her son was doing to me. So I called her just to say hello, that’s when she said: “let me get him on the phone, sweetheart.” That’s when I caught him in the lie officially. I always told him he was lying to me, but he never admitted me to it until that day. He was still lying, saying that he was only in town for a week and so on.
I’m sorry, but during military training, you are away for six whole months. You only go back home once training is over or when there is a family death. I know this because I have friends who are both in the Army, Marines, Navy, and Air Force. Therefore I know how things go down, plus I did four years of ROTC in high school, so they explained things, and I got to meet people who were active at that time, and we had a lot of questions back in highschool.
But, that was my last straw when it came to him. I told him that I was done with the relationship. But I wasn’t seeing him for almost a year. To be honest, I was thrilled that I didn’t see him at all.
When I started opening up about y relationship, my friends encouraged me to got court and put a restraining order on him. On the 1st, I was scared to do that because I was thinking about the worse. But that day, I sucked it up, went to court, and gave my declaration. The woman told me to block his number, have no contact with him until the actual court date.
Court day arrived, I was there alone, he was there with his brother. He was giving me a look, and I gave him in a look back. I wasn’t in fear anymore. I was happy to get him out of my damn life (hopefully). Once they called my name, we went in, and we sat down.
The judge said her things, told him if he is aware that if he keeps going, he will get a permanent restraining order. He said he is very knowledgeable. She asked him if he regrets telling me all those things, and he said no, that he wants to get this over with to get back to work (he wasn’t even working at the time).
A few minutes later, I was granted a temporary restraining order, which latest for about three months. He never again reached out to me. The judge told him if he does bother me after the warrant is over. If I still feel uncomfortable around him, I can file for a permanent restraining order.
Years later, now, in 2020, I am in a better place. It’s never easy getting over those kinds of trauma. I know people have it a lot worse. But trust me, you can get out of it. You need to find that support system. Talk to your family and friends. Don’t be afraid to file a report, go with someone.
No matter what kind of abusive relationship you are in, it’s never easy. But there is always a way out. You have to find the strength within yourself.
I wrote this not to get attention nor for you to feel sorry for me, I wrote this to help anyone who is in a similar situation. I want you to share this post to help women and even men who are in an abusive relationship.
But that is my story. If you are anyone you know is in an abusive relationship. Seek help, below is a list of sites that can help you get through this. Remember, you are strong enough to get through anything. Don’t let other’s dictate your life and who you are as a person. We can get through this together.